There is an enduring story about two wolves, long attributed to Native American folklore and possibly not Native American at all. Still despite its murky origins, the story is often retold because it is inspiring and illustrates many truths about human nature:
The Story of The Two Wolves
An old man speaks to his grandson about life. “A battle between two wolves rages inside me,” he says.
“One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, and faith.
The same fight goes on inside of you and inside of everyone else as well.” The grandson pondered his words and asked, “Which wolf will win?”
And the old man simply replied, “The one you feed.”
When Self-Improvement Holds Us Back
The often told story is true, in a way.
In the effort to become a better person, we are constantly fighting our worst impulses and fear from past traumas. We are improved by paying attention to the people, places, and things that make us better and having more of that in our lives.
But there often comes a point where we are held back by the thought of not being good enough. Not doing enough of the right things, not reading the right books, or being around the right people. Not eating the right things, not meditating enough, not exercising enough. And wow, doesn’t that sound exhausting?
It’s because often when we say we’re becoming a better person, we’re also saying that we are not enough today.
When we say we “should meditate more”, it’s usually because the underlying thought is that something is wrong with us and also, why are we so sucky at meditation? When we say we’re becoming a better person, we’ve typically established an unattainable goal and set ourselves up for a bit of failure, because what does that even mean???
At what point do you look around and say, “Okay, this is it! I have officially become a better person!”
At what point are you good enough to go where you want to go? To pursue your dreams? To declare who you are to the world?
And that’s where the longer version of the Two Wolves story comes in:
The Story of the Two Wolves (Longer)
An old man speaks to his grandson about life. “A battle between two wolves rages inside me,” he says.
“One is evil. He is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good. He is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, truth, and faith.
The same fight goes on inside of you and inside of everyone else as well.” The grandson pondered his words and asked, “Which wolf will win?”
The old man smiled and replied, “If you feed them right, they both win.”
The story goes on. “You see, if I only feed the good wolf, the bad wolf will hide in the dark waiting for me to falter so that it can pounce and get the attention he craves. He will always be angry and will always be fighting the good wolf. But if I acknowledge him, both he and the good wolf can be satisfied, and we all win.
The good wolf provides compassion, caring, heart, and the ability to value the needs of others over my own. But the bad wolf also has qualities that I need and that the good wolf lacks: tenacity, courage, fearlessness, strength of will, and resourcefulness.
You see, the two wolves need each other. Feeding only one and starving the other will eventually make both uncontrollable. Caring for both allows them both to serve you, so that you can do something greater, something good with your time on earth. Feed them both and there will be no more internal struggle for your attention. And when there is no battle inside, you can then hear the voices of deeper knowledge that will guide you in choosing the right path in every circumstance.
Peace, my son, is what we must all strive for in life. They who have peace inside has everything. They who harbor a storm within their heart and soul has nothing. How you choose to treat the opposing forces within you will ultimately determine how you live.
Starve one or the other or guide them both.”
To be at our best, we need all of ourselves.
I think this version of the story better illustrates what it really takes to live our best life. Often where we get stuck, blocked, or held back isn’t because we aren’t trying hard enough or aren’t being “good” enough. Being human has never equated to being perfect.
We get stuck when we try to ignore, cut off, or repress parts of ourselves we’ve identified as “bad” and then beat ourselves up for not being whole.
So often the path forward lies in giving ourselves time and space to be a little less than an idealized idea of perfect and being okay with that, and thus being okay with all of who we are. Better yet, redefining our definition of perfect as who we are today, in this moment.
Things to journal about:
- How do you feed the “good” parts of you?
- How do you feed the “bad” parts of you?
- What parts of yourself could use a permission slip?
- How have the “bad” parts of yourself served you in life?
- Perhaps you are perfect as you, are but you could still be better. If so, what would an attainable better version look like? What would you be doing differently? What small steps would help you get there?
- What would you be doing differently if you knew you were good enough?
- How does it feel to be the okayest version of you in the world?
